When I was growing up I didn’t have any strong female role models that I aspired to be like. I grew up with my dad and had a strained relationship with my step-mum, and with my mum, so I developed a general mis-trust of women. I preferred men, was a tom boy, and hung out with the lads a lot more.
It’s a key part of the Heroine’s journey that many women born into a patriarchal society take, usually unconsciously - in a society that values the feminine less than the masculine, girls learnt to reject their feminine nature and strive for external markers “success” in the modern world.
Over the past 10 years I have adventured through all the phases of the Heroine’s journey to a place where my inner feminine and masculine are reconciled - in this first spiral anyway. I do believe it is a life long process and it will be generations yet before this separation does not occur in our culture.
Today I want to share with you my top tips that I have learned from my greatest female role models.
But first, let me introduce you to them...
Meet Millie & Fern
Descended from wolves (& teddy bears)...
And here’s what they have taught me about being a woman:
1) There is a greater purpose than myself
I now know what it’s like to love something more than myself. When I was a teenager my dad used to say I wouldn’t understand what it was like to be a parent until I had children of my own. I thought he was wrong and that I already knew everything there was to know in the world. Ha. That teenage arrogance mixed with naivety and a good dose of self-remorse, is funnily something I both miss sometimes, yet no way would I wish to return back there. As I get older I am surprised by my genuine affection of world-politics, something that passed me by as a teenager as I focused on who I was going to snog at the weekend and how I could become one of the thinner prettier girls. I have a sense that the world is much bigger than me now, that the choices I make do matter, that where I put my focus does matter. Those 2 cute beasties ignited a fire in me that reminded me that I actually give a fuck about the world; I would do anything to protect them and there is a powerful warrioress inside of me that will stand strong for what she believes in.
2) Period blood isn’t dirty (& being precious about hygiene is neurotic)
It actually isn’t. Like at all. They lick theirs up and swallow it - totally ungrossed out, totally unphased, totally and completely ok with it. I mean, they do lots of other gross things that I definitely wouldn’t advise, and I’m not saying we should all start drinking our own menstrual blood, but this general objection to bodily fluids seems to be uniquely human - a cultural conditioning, a learned behaviour. It gets in the way of our sex lives & it trains us to fear our primal wild nature. I’m not sure where it comes from - the religious indoctrination of the original sin perhaps mixed with the discovery of bacteria & viral born diseases & the basic hygiene practices that can prevent their spread.
I’m all for good hygiene & cleanliness, but if it’s getting neurotic, perhaps it’s time to figure out what’s really going on beneath the surface.
3) Being ferocious and telling someone you don’t like or see as a threat to fuck off is ok
When I was a teenager I was imbued with the message that I shouldn’t walk the streets late at night, that I was always in danger of being sexually assaulted. It built in me this general fear, like I had to keep myself small to be safe - always looking over my shoulder - wondering who was round the corner or in the dark shadows.
Thankfully for me, no-one was. But this training to keep my femininity small & scared still lingers for me today and is pandemic.
I had a recent awakening into a different aspect of this energy - one full of fierceness and ferocity and an almighty big NO. I learnt it from my dogs - any time another dog comes up to them that they don’t like or feel threatened by, any time a male dog pesters them when they are on heat and they are playing fetch with their balls and aren’t interested, they tell them to get-to-fuck in the most ferocious way, they don’t care how big the other dog is - they say NO. And the other dog always listens. They don’t care if the other dog then dislikes them, they don’t worry whether they were socially or politically correct or not, they aren’t in being polite or sweet or agreeable - they act on their impulse, they don’t second guess themselves and they do what they need to protect themselves.
4) Flirting & initiating sex is as equally female as it is male
When my dogs are in heat, they are game for anything, Fern turns into the sexiest little minx you ever saw. She’s into labradors and she wafts her little booty around sending all the boys crazy. If a dog comes over she doesn’t like - she tells him to fuck-off by snarling her gnashes and chasing him away - if he continues to pester her - she’ll take him down!
Millie is less fussy, she goes searching for them, and she will do practically anything to get some rubs whether she’s on heat or not. This idea that female's only want sex for pro-creation and not pleasure is just plain wrong, and that pleasurable sex is only done by humans and Dolphins is ridiculous. Millie is evidence right there.
In a study that analysed speed dating statistics, it was found that women were much less likely to request an in person date with the men they had met - they were much more selective. This was added as more proof to evolutionary theory - that women long for one mate and men are designed to spread their seed. However, no-one seemed to care that the study design was biased - in all the cases studied, the women were stationary and the men rotated approaching the women. When a new study was done that equally assessed each gender as the approached and the approachee, it was found that men and women were equally interested in having a second date with the partners they had met. When the social structure was removed - women were as keen as the men.
Now I want to hear from you! Who have been your greatest female role models and what have you learnt from them? You can tell me by hitting reply to this email or leave a comment on the blog.
Until next time,
Wishing you much love & adventure,